Carry Each Other

The following is a resource from the James Houston Center for Faith & Successful Aging. This blog features reflections from Ethan Asters, Executive Director of the Center. In this first piece, Asters reflects on the story from the Gospel of Mark in which Jesus heals a paralytic man. Asters argues this story provides insights into the core of caregiving: mutual and selfless care for our loved ones. This and other work support the Center’s mission of enhancing the spiritual, emotional, and economic health and well-being of elders and their caregivers through a variety of faith-based initiatives.

Mark 2:1-12 is a remarkable story in which Jesus heals a paralytic man as he returns home to Capernaum. He’s been teaching and a crowd has followed him to what appears to be a packed house. As he so often does, Jesus begins teaching those in attendance. I don’t know how long Jesus has been teaching when suddenly the roof above him gives way and a paralytic man is lowered through the opening.

The gospel writer tells us that prior to this unexpected entrance, a group of four friends make a choice to visit Jesus in hopes that he might heal one of their friends. When they arrive, they realize there is no clear path to Jesus…the large crowd has effectively created a boundary between these friends and what they believe to be their one shot at healing for their loved one. They were at a crossroads, overwhelmed by the task ahead. And yet when all hope seems lost, they get creative.

My father is one of the most resourceful folks I know, and there are countless stories of his ingenuity in the face of great difficulty… even if his methods are often a bit unconventional. Several years ago, he was working at a company that provided plumbing, HVAC, and electrical services to clients. A coworker had been tasked with leveling out a portion of the warehouse floor, yet they couldn’t make any progress. Dad looked at the situation and developed a plan. After some time, my uncle, who worked with my dad went back to check in on his progress, offering assistance and additional tools that might make the work easier. When he arrived, he discovered something fascinating. Dad had developed a make-shift welding mask and had nearly completed the floor. The mask consisted of a drawer from the break room refrigerator held together by an adjustable strap. Could he have secured goggles or any other official equipment from the inventory at the front of the store? Probably… but in the moment, despite the odds…his resourcefulness and creativity empowered him to accomplish the task.

I am not certain of the logistics that allowed the friends to remove part of the roof and lower their friend to meet Jesus… but New Testament scholar A.J. Levine states that typical roofs were constructed of wooden beams placed around the walls and covered with reeds and clay. It would theoretically be possible to dig out the clay to lower someone between the beams… but this process would be incredibly difficult with a meeting taking place below. Levine argues that a primary takeaway from the story is that this extraordinary act of faith functions in such a way that demands Jesus’ attention. And this act of faith is demonstrated by their unwavering commitment to the care of their friend.

When we read the entire passage, we notice there is more to this story…including a rebuke of the religious leaders and the miraculous healing of the paralytic friend when Jesus implores him to “stand up, take his mat, and go home.” But what I want to focus on in particular is the process… the process of providing care… of caregiving and what it means to carry a loved one toward healing.

Before I go further into the implications of this process, I want to acknowledge the limitations of this metaphor. Jesus is clear throughout the gospels that disability and disease are part of the fabric of the world in which we live and in no way does he minimize the reality of those with a disability or use the plight of others simply to make a point. Instead, Jesus displays compassion in each encounter and affirms the beloved-ness of each person he meets. It’s in that spirit that I invite you to consider the metaphor of carrying each other.

These friends of the paralytic man are willing to do everything in their power to care for their loved one… they are willing to be unconventional and creative in their efforts so that they might cultivate an environment in which their friend could encounter Jesus. They couldn’t be sure of the outcome and there was no guarantee that their approach would be successful, and yet, they do so anyway. They identify a need and position themselves to execute.

I believe their action demonstrates the power of community and what is possible for us when we actively choose to participate in the work of God around us. As a community of faith we are tasked with being in relationship with one another, mutually investing in each other’s well-being, and, to use the words of the apostle Paul from Galatians, to commit to carrying each other’s burdens, and in doing so, fulfill the law of Christ. We have an unmistakable responsibility to one another. But not only to those within our communities of faith, but all those on the underside of society… the poor, the widow, the orphan, and the elderly to name a few.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. puts it this way, “In a real sense, all life is interrelated. All people are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.” As participants in God’s ongoing story in the world, we are called to care for all of God’s creation because we are all connected.

So how do we respond to the challenges of this moment? How do we show up for those around us, particularly those that need our care? We must actively choose to carry each other. And how do we do that? We commit to seeing and celebrating the inherent dignity of every person we meet, especially those facing the challenges that come with disease, disability, and aging. Like the friends in the story, we must display a willingness to consistently show up in the lives of those around us… even when it is inconvenient or requires something of us. When we actively choose to carry each other, we de-center ourselves for the sake of the well-being of others. And practically, we carry each other when we advocate for those incapable of taking action and stepping onto the path toward healing.

There are many people that, for one reason or another, have been beaten down by the world and been made to feel that there is no pathway forward. This is certainly the case for many of our elders that continue to experience isolation and depression on the aging journey. I think, as followers of Jesus, we are called to intervene and do our part in bringing hope and good news into every situation. This will require us to be creative, resourceful, and willing to reimagine the ways in which we care and advocate for those we love.

One of the most effective ways we can do this for our broader community is through our preparation and planning for late life. A colleague often says, “We’ll all experience caregiving, and if you haven’t been a caregiver yet, you will be someday.” The James Houston Center for Faith & Successful Aging assists caregivers from all walks of life in effectively providing kind and compassionate care through the challenges and joys of aging. One thing I have discovered in my work with families, caregivers, and aging adults is that social support is vital to the aging journey. And more often than not, a caregiving team is necessary to advocate for and provide assistance in activities of daily living…not that different from the four friends that carried their loved one to meet Jesus. I hope you consider your role in providing mutual care and support to your loved ones, community of faith, and beyond.

Maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed in this moment or that you’ve lost your capacity to take action and step onto the path toward healing. Maybe your duties as a caregiver have left you isolated, detached, or uncertain about how to move forward. I want you to know you are not alone and that it is okay to sit with the dissonance. I also invite you to tell someone how you are really doing, and maybe that means letting someone know you need to be carried. Let them know that you need their help to get to where you need to go. I know that takes courage and vulnerability, but the beauty of being a part of the family of God is that in our interconnectedness, we will undoubtedly carry AND be carried by those around us at various points in our lives. We desperately need each other, and if we choose to open ourselves to carry and be carried by our community, we collectively experience the healing that comes from encountering Jesus. May we have the courage to carry each other.